Wednesday, August 31, 2011

It's a Dirty Job...

Ever watch those old zombie films with the hands reaching up thru the ground to grab the ankles of unsuspecting coeds that, for whatever reason, thought it would be fun to party in a grave yard? Of course you did! They were awesome, right?

And, no doubt, you grabbed your shovel and ran to your nearest cemetery in an attempt to re-enact what you'd just watched, right? Right? Hello?? Ok...apparently, that was just me.

My point is, we love zombies. Who doesn't? If pop culture is any indication, those that don't are in the minority! Rejoice, fellow zombie fan! Now you can shout your love for digging up the undead without fear of ridicule or disgust!

So, run to the B'hold Designs Storefront, zombie fan, click some buttons and spend some money (and don't forget your shovel).

Aim high. Run fast.


Friday, August 26, 2011

Special Zombie Unit

Of all the tv shows I enjoy, I am drawn to LAW & ORDER: SVU. Something about the characters, cases and writing keeps me glued to the screen. And on those days when USA runs a marathon....well, nothing much gets done in my house.

So, since I love the show, and (thanks to the economic downturn) have a little extra time on my hands, I thought I'd do a tribute to my two favorite t.v. cops...zombie style.

And thus.... GNAW & ODOR: SZU was born!

And remember! You TOO can be made over into a moaning undead, without the hassle of getting bitten by an actual zombie! Thanks to scientific breakthroughs in zombie creation by the geeks at B'HOLD DESIGNS, it's as easy as following THESE STEPS.

....and what better way to complete the zombie awesomeness than with something from the B'hold Designs GIFT SHOP where careless spending is not only's encouraged.

Aim high. Run fast.


Monday, August 22, 2011

Do You Dream in Undead?

I've never had much of a problem remembering my dreams. They're always in color and a couple of times, I was actually lucid and able to control them, but just for a couple seconds before waking up.

Sometimes the dreams are really fun, sometimes they're frightening, and sometimes they're just plain silly. I've had many dreams of "brilliant" designs that for the first few seconds after waking, I could hardly wait to get started on. However, after a few minutes of being awake, it finally occurs to me that they are (usually) ridiculous.

They're always in color, and always vivid, which make it all the more fun when I dream about zombies!

The majority of my zombie dreams are based on survival. One dream found me in a parking lot in the middle of my childhood home town. Myself and a few others ran for a car as the undead closed in. The interesting part was how the car shrunk in size as we dove in. There were only four of us, but we were so crammed that we nearly couldn't close the doors. They did close eventually and the rest of the dream was like playing life-sized pinball while riding in a blood-splattered clown car.

Another was first-person shooter, like a lot of great zombie killing video games (THIS ONE is my personal favorite). Blasting away at the forever oncoming undead with unlimited ammunition was a literal "blast."

But the one that really captured my attention and memory…the one I STILL tell people to this day had no running, no shooting…no action whatsoever.

In this particular zombie dream, my eyes fluttered open in the middle of the night and I was still in my bed with the covers pulled up close. Once they focused I was shocked to find every open spot on my floor filled with undead. My eyes slowly panned across their faces starting with the one furthest from me. There were "fresh" zombies as well as those in advanced states of decay. I was frozen…unable to move as they all stared daggers thru me…as if they would pounce any second.

Finally, my eyes reached the last zombie; the one right next to me. He was tall, and skeletal and frightening…and as my eyes met his, he leaned down close as if to see if I was awake…his rotting, soulless eyes no more than an inch above mine.

It was then I woke up.

It may not sound like much, but in my tiny brain it was spooky and creepy and AWESOME. I loved it.

So tonight before bed, I recommend watching as much zombie horror as you can. And if your normally tranquil REM cycle turns a bit too freaky, just holler for me. I'll be the one in the blood-splattered clown car.

Aim high. Run fast. Nightie night.


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

World War Z Movie

How many times have you seen a film based on a book and thought "the book was way better"? Pretty much every time, right? I think part of that is the challenge faced by screenwriters to take a 400 page novel and condense it to 110 pages of film script.

At least they try.....or DO they?

When I first heard that WORLD WAR Z, the great zombie novel by Max Brooks, was the center of a bidding war for the film rights, I got really excited. I loved the book, and even had the opportunity to meet Max once. He signed my copy with "Brett, great shirt! Thanks!" (I had just given him one of THESE.) So, a bidding war for a great novel meant that the folks in Hollywood were really wanting to tell this story! I couldn't wait.

Then I found out who was bidding. On one side you had Brad Pitt's production company. I guess he's ok, but I would never put him in a zombie film. On the other......Leo Dicaprio. A decent actor, but I would NEVER want the "I'm king of the world" guy in a zombie film. ESPECIALLY one by Max Brooks. Sorry. He's just not cool enough.

Fast forward a bit.... Pitt's company won. Fine. At least it's getting made. appears (according to THIS ARTICLE) that Mr. Pitt has decided that the original novel is not a good enough concept for his film, and is allegedly taking the film in an entirely different direction!

Why do film makers do this? Why do they love a book so much that they want to alter the story? How does that work? It doesn't have to be that way, and frequently isn't, so why is it that Pitt's "vision" is so much better than that of Brooks??

I have to wonder how this makes Max feel. He spent a LOT of time creating this work from the sweat of his brain....rewrites, sleepless nights (probably)...getting it exactly the way he wanted it. Then someone comes along, buys it and tears it all apart, in an effort to present their OWN vision for HIS idea. Crazy.

Hopefully it's not too late. Apparently the Brooks/zombie disciples are pissed, and rightly so. Maybe those in control of this film will hear our cries and stop messing with the original story before it turns into an amalgam of aliens, zombies, and Dora the Explorer.

Aim high. Run fast. Write your congressman.


Monday, August 15, 2011

That's What SHE Screamed

I don't watch a lot of television. Well that's not true. I actually DO watch a lot, but my short attention span usually dictates a constant flicking of the remote control with no more than a few seconds spent on any particular channel. One show I stop for every time, however, is NBC's "The Office." I've been hooked since episode one and look forward to next season.

Recently I had a thought….. how would the characters in "The Office" fare in a zombie apocalypse? I've given this some thought and have created a list of the characters, starting with the quickest to die and ending with the most likely to survive.

1. Kevin Malone - 10 minutes…tops.

Poor Kevin. This guy wouldn't have much of a chance. According to the hit movie "Zombieland", cardio is priority number one and I'm betting he doesn't have it. The character Kevin is also a very slow-witted type with lagging reflexes…unless there's cake.

2. Toby Flenderson - a couple of hours

Toby would most likely stay in his cubicle and simply shrug an unspoken "oh well" as the undead attacked.

3. Stanley Hudson - just a few hours

Stanley probably doesn't have the cardio either, but the main problem for this character is his heart. An 'over the top' fire drill from Dwight sent him straight to the hospital. I can't imagine he'd do much better with a city full of undead.

4. Ryan and Kelly - a day…maybe

Everyone familiar with the show knows that Kelly is way more devoted to Ryan than he is to her, so there's no doubt in my mind that he would ditch her in a heartbeat. Of course, he's not prone to making good decisions and could never survive on his own. Kelly, left all alone might be able to tap into her "fierceness" and slug a few zombies, but she wouldn't last long.

5. Phyllis (and Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration) - 3 days

Phyllis doesn't have the cardio either, but she does have Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. No doubt he has access to some durable delivery trucks that might be able to take them quite a distance down the road, but with few provisions, and most likely no gas at the pumps, their days would be in the single digits.

6. Angela Martin - 3 days

As soon as the zombie poo would hit the fan, I'm sure Angela would hunker down in her home with her cats awaiting a chopper rescue from her gay state senator boyfriend…which would most likely never come. Once the cat food is gone, her precious "children" would turn on her and she'd become human meow mix.

7. Meredith - 3 days

Immediately running to Poor Richard's pub, Meredith would hunker down and drink herself into a catatonic state. The zombies would later greatly appreciate the vodka pickled taste of her gray matter.

8. Andy & Erin - a week

Andy and Erin run off together with Andy seeking help from his vast network of fellow Cornell grads….none of which come thru for him. To keep their spirits up, they sing songs which, of course, attracts the horde.

9. Oscar Martinez - a week

Unwilling to admit that those creating the chaos are actually zombies, Oscar eventually emerges from his home in an attempt to "talk" to the attackers. They aren't receptive.

10. Darryl - 2 weeks

With their size and strength, Darryl and his fellow warehouse buddies actually do pretty well fighting off the undead, but the greater the number, the harder it is to keep up the pace and eventually he is overcome.

11. Creed - several weeks

Creed is a slippery guy. Comments he has made in the past would lead one to believe that he has eluded capture many times before and this would be no different. His downfall would actually come from fellow survivors from whom, no doubt, he would steal provisions and vehicles.

12. Pam, Jim and baby Cece - a few years

Pam and Jim are pretty smart people. Most likely they would find their way thru the chaos and reluctantly take refuge with Michael in Colorado (I can see Jim making a pros and cons list the night before….pros, safety with Michael…cons, death..hmm…). What effects prolonged exposure to the high levels of Michael-Holly nerdity would have on their psyche is anyone's guess.

13. Michael and Holly - a few years

Having just moved to the Colorado, Michael and Holly would do pretty well. The cold of the rockies would greatly slow the pace of the undead, making maneuvering around them much easier, and in winter completely stop them in their tracks, giving Michael a captive audience for his new stand up routine.

14. Dwight K. Schrute - several years

Everyone laughed at Dwight whenever he spoke of his survival training, or his ability to make just about anything out of beets, but not anymore. He (and his cousin Moze) are quite possibly the sole survivors of the zombie apocalypse. The oncoming assault of undead came as no surprise to him, as he'd apparently dealt with them before. See THIS CLIP for proof of his knowledge of how to take out the undead.

These scenarios are just my personal theories, of course, but there's no doubt that they would ALL survive if only they had access to my ULTIMATE CAMOUFLAGE. Besides, buying that is a lot easier than working on cardio.

Aim high. Run fast. That's what she said.


Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Rock Zombies

A good buddy of mine (Michael H.) recently scored some sweet concert passes that took him backstage and face to face with the one and only Nikki Sixx! (Dude! Congrats!)

He snagged a sweet picture of he and the Sixx-man, and then turned to the scientists at B'hold Designs Headquarters. Why? For the same reason ANYone would come to B'HQ with a photograph in hand... to be put thru the old zombification machine! And thusly, I present....ROCK ZOMBIES!

Remember, fellow followers of those that rise from the grave, you TOO can have images rendered corpse-like! I know what you're thinking, "How, Uncle Brett?? Tell us!!" To which I respond, "I will! Calm down!"

We here at B'HQ have access to various magic potions, bottled leprechaun farts and unicorn poo (none of those are used in making zombies...I just like to brag). Actually, all it takes is emailing me a picture (and money), click your heels three times and give me a couple of weeks! Click HERE for all the details.

Don't have a photo worthy you say? Take one! Grab some pals and take several! Just be safe and don't do any poses that might be dangerous, ok? After all, if something happens to you, who's going to pay me? :)

Aim high. Run fast. Say cheese.


Monday, August 8, 2011

I Hate Being Sick...

Hey zombie fans. Sorry I haven't updated the blog for a while, but I've been fighting some kind of weird sickness bug. Headache, weakness, and a cough that at times, I thought might turn me inside out!

I guess I'm getting better, but I still have a nagging cough. Oh, and my voice sounds like puberty came back to finish the job and now I'm Barry White. (the only cool thing about this bug)

Anyway, I'm still plugging along here at B'HQ. In fact I just finished a zombie pic for a friend. He's looking it over and will get back to me with his opinion soon I'm sure.

In the meantime, don't forget! This is the interweb! There is no "closed due to illness" sign on my STOREFRONT, so in lieu of flowers, candy, or any other gifts I'm sure you're planning on sending me, just buy massive heaps of my design stuff. Because just like in the story books, the ringing sounds of virtual cash registers have magical healing powers!

Aim high. Run fast. Pass the Cough Drops.


Monday, August 1, 2011

Sensational Sell-ebrities! ... pt. 7

Welcome to the SEVENTH installment of my Sensational Sell-ebrities Series…a blog entry dedicated specifically to those who have NO idea I exist, but whose star power would reeeeeeeally help me sell some stuff. LAST TIME, it was the beer-swilling team from Shaun of the Dead in the spotlight.

This is another 'multiple-person' entry. Who is it? Why none other than ANY of the stars from AMC's hit zombie apocalypse show, "The Walking Dead."

Ok….so why the actors from this show?

1. This show is the best thing to happen to zombies since George Romero's birth! Based on the graphic novel by the same name, "The Walking Dead" is an incredible look at life in a world where 'walkers' roam free and you have to sleep with one eye open. Spear-headed by Frank Darabont (director of The Shawshank Redemption), this show has it all….drama, excitement, horror, and amazing special FX makeup!

2. This show has EXPLODED with popularity! It's opening night was a HUGE success, and now, it's fan base is in the millions. Don't believe me? Check out THIS CLIP of the cast and crew talking about season 2 at Comicon.

SO....(Robert Stack voice)....if YOU live in the Atlanta, Georgia area where they're filming season 2, or if you bump into any of the cast while at 7-11, beg them to stop by my shop and check out the gear! Oh, and if you can get Andrew Lincoln to mention what the scientist whispered to him at the end of season 1, then I'LL buy the Slurpee's!!

Aim high. Run fast.