Thursday, June 30, 2011

You've got your EMF in my stage makeup!

I'm not all about zombies. It's true! In fact, as I stated in an EARLIER BLOG I wasn't always interested in them, so it stands to reason that I would have other interests outside the realm of the undead.

One of those interests is the Syfy show GHOST HUNTERS. Jason, Grant and crew charge into all kinds of facilities to see if they can find a real reason for the seemingly paranormal happenings going on within.

Another interest is the classic fire spitting, tongue wiggling rock band, KISS. I first started listening to this group as a young boy of 10, and finally, as an adult, had the opportunity to attend a concert a few years back. These guys flat out rock. Period.

All it took was a silly notion of combining the two, and my inability to focus on anything else and the TAPS/KISS image is born! 

I've done quite a few silly pics of the GH crew over the years. Some of the cast members are aware of them and seem mildly amused. At least no one has sued me yet.

So, click it, dig it, and investigate all night and party every day!

Rock on,


Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Fresh off the slab!!

Greetings fellow zombie fans!

No doubt my long absence left you all wondering if I had keeled over from a mysterious virus and joined the ranks of the walking dead, but to the contrary! I am completely alive and well.

However, my absence WAS zombie related. I locked myself away, deep within the dark, dank laboratory located here at B'hold Designs headquarters, resurrecting more undead to share with the world.

To the left is Amy Bruni. You might recognize her from the hit Syfy show, Ghosthunters. Once upon a time I created a fun zombie image for Amy, for which she gleefully posed. Well, much time has gone by since then, and there have been such strides made in zombie technology that I felt she needed an "upgrade." 

So, I present to you.....ZOMBIE AMY 2.0!!

You may or may not be aware that I offer "zombification" as a service, so if you find yourself interested in looking all corpse-like, then check out THIS LINK for all the gruesome details, and don't forget to spread the word of B'HOLD DESIGNS and this barely tolerable blog to all your pals!

Aim high. Run fast.


Friday, June 24, 2011

Pet Peeve...

I'm a pretty sarcastic guy. A lot of things that others may not notice cheese me off enough to send me into a Seinfeld-style rant leaving my family rolling their eyes and finding reasons to leave the room.

Because of this I have developed a list of pet peeves. They range from restaurant situations, to the unpredictable nature of other drivers, to words themselves.

Today I'd like to focus on one particular pet peeve that really rattles me, and it happens at the supermarket.

Despite the fact that I'm sarcastic, I'm also pretty friendly. I don't usually mind when the clerk ringing up my purchases tries to strike up a conversation. Even if I'm not in the mood, I'll at least be pleasant....but it's when that clerk comments on what I'm BUYING that really puts a tack in my chair.

Now don't get me wrong. I've had a few clerks honestly ask my opinion of a product because they had been curious about it themselves....that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about comments like "wow, you must really like this stuff."... or, "who buys these?!"..

Sometimes I take my sons to a small store in town to get some candy, just for the heck of it, and it's there I get "wow! You guys going to the movies or something?"

Usually these comments come when there are about 4,000 people directly behind me waiting to be checked out and are delivered by clerks who, judging by the volume of their voices, MUST be hard of hearing.

My youngest has an allergy to milk, so we have to buy him rice milk as that's all he can tolerate. Usually I buy them a few at a time so they'll last.

One evening when I was purchasing a few of the cartons, a teenage clerk looked at them, and then me and said " like this stuff or what?". To which I replied "it's for my son. He's allergic to regular milk."

Her voice took a 'been there, done that' tone as she began to tell me about all the people she'd known with lactose intolerance.

By this time I was pretty annoyed, so I actually interrupted her and said "My son isn't lactose intolerant. He's allergic. If he drinks cow's milk, his throat will swell shut until he can't breathe and he'll die."

A bit harsh maybe, but like I's my pet peeve, and it was a bad day.

Just once I'd like to be able to buy whatever I want without being given a guilt trip, laughed at, or embarrassed by a clerk who can't mind their own business.

I don't care if I come thru a check out line with panty hose, a monkey wrench, a live chicken and a box of condoms....I should be able to do so without verbal affirmation that I'm a weirdo.

Just sayin.....


Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Let me explain...

I've never been the most mature person. Intestinal gas makes me giggle. The Beavis & Butthead cartoons I watched as a college student STILL make me laugh.

I've been told many times to grow up, but really, if it hasn't happened by now I don't expect it to, and that's fine with me. I enjoy my immaturity....AND it's thru my immaturity that this new design is born!

Let's be completely honest for a moment...

We've ALL had those incredible "calls of nature" that were so gigantic or traumatic in nature that just surviving it was reason enough to share with others, right? I mean, seriously.... EVERYone, at least ONCE in their life, has looked back into the toilet and thought "I have GOT to tell someone about this!"

Sure...there are some of us that brag about such bathroom events, but MOST people do not, either because they're too embarrassed, or they have tact (something I've learned to live without).

Now, thanks to your pals at B'hold Designs, you'll have people asking YOU for the information, allowing you to brag about your bathroom exploits while using hand gestures similar to fishermen describing the one that got away.

Remember, it doesn't matter how different we are as people. On the squatter, we're all equal. So the next time you feel as if you've given birth on the porcelain throne...stop before you flush...go grab your spouse, sibling, co-worker, or stranger off the street...and point and laugh...take PICTURES if you feel like it...and know you've come one wad of TP closer to world peace.

Indulge your immaturity HERE.


Monday, June 20, 2011

Sensational Sell-ebrities! ... pt. 5

Welcome to the FIFTH installment of my Sensational Sell-ebrities Series! A blog entry dedicated specifically to those who have NO idea I exist, but whose star power would reeeeeeeally help me sell some stuff. Last time, it was the hilarious Bill Murray in the spotlight.

Today, I'm featuring someone who has transformed traditional zombie killing into an amazing, slow motion, matrix-like art form....MILLA JOVOVICH!!

If you follow the Resident Evil films, you'll know her better as Alice...the only known human to successfully bond with the T-virus in such a way as to give her super human abilities...which comes in handy considering the zombie-infested, dried out husk that the Earth has become. No doubt you've yelled out loud while watching... "Now THERE'S someone that could really use B'hold Designs awesome Ultimate Camouflage!" I know! I've said the same thing! why Milla??

1. She's cool. I've seen a few "100 lb women destroying 300 lb men with kung fu" films in my day, and she's one of the few that I can watch without giggling. She makes it look possible because she's a good actress. She gives that steely-eyed look before delivering a round house, back flip, around the block kick in such a way as to make it seem possible, and that's awesome.

2. She hits two markets! Fans of the video game series, AND zombie fans alike would love to catch a stiletto upside the head from her. And if the last thing they saw before losing consciousness was one of my shirt designs, well then it would almost be worth the massive head trauma!

SO....(Robert Stack voice)....if YOU have seen Milla Jovovich blasting targets at the gun club, repelling down skyscrapers, or putting paparazzi in headlocks, approach with caution and let her know that if she'd only use my Ultimate Camouflage she'd have fewer calluses on her knuckles.

Aim high. Run fast.


Thursday, June 16, 2011

Another freebie!!

Lookie! Here's a new wallpaper to share with all your friends and family....created with love and lollipops by your pals at B'hold Designs!

"We Make Dead People" features just a few of my friends that have been daring enough to be put thru the zombification machine at B'hold Designs labs located miles below the earth's crust.

Now some of you are probably looking at this gift the same way you look at the gifts your cat leaves on your doorstep, but others are no doubt thinking "if only I could be zombified and look as awesome as this wallpaper."

Well, now you can!!

Thanks to recent breakthroughs in undead technology, this process is available to the public for a small fee! Interested? Go HERE for all the details.

Imagine the fun you could have with a picture of yourself zombified! Hang it on the wall among the rest of the family photos and see how long it takes visitors to notice....secretly exchange it for the regular photo of you at grandma's house and watch her freak out! The possibilities are endless.*

And while you're waiting for your undead image to arrive, stroll thru the GIFT SHOP and spend obscene amounts of money. I'll be glad you did. :)

Aim high. Run fast.


*Not really. There's an end somewhere.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Happy Anniversary!

Twenty years ago today, my wife made the biggest mistake of her life and hitched up with me for a lifetime of ups, downs, wonderfully insane children and zombies, zombies, zombies.

Happy anniversary Kristi! Thanks for sticking with me for better, worse, or zombie apocalypse. I don't deserve you, but I definitely love you!


Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Bumper Stickers!!

Have you ever been stuck in traffic wishing you could ask the person behind you if he or she was prepared for the zombie apocalypse? Me either! But now you can, thanks to your pals at B'hold Designs!!

Whether you advise them to save their gas for molotovs, tell them how awesome you are at zombie killin', or exactly what you think of multi-tasking (my personal favorite) it's easier than ever to spout your opinion to someone who is most likely teetering on the brink of road rage!

So zip on over to THE SHOP on your way to work tomorrow and grab yourself some happy little stickers to share with all your traffic playmates....and don't worry about that guy giving you the finger. He's just jealous.

Aim high. Run fast.


Friday, June 10, 2011

Sensational Sell-ebrities! ... pt. 4

Welcome to the FOURTH installment of my Sensational Sell-ebrities Series...A blog entry dedicated specifically to those who have NO idea I exist, but whose star power would reeeeeeeally help me sell some stuff. Last time, I went on and on about the oozing cool factor of Bruce Campbell.

Today, I'm featuring someone who, a couple of years ago, would have had no impact on my targeted sales demographic, yet is a power house with a long Hollywood career. Mr. Bill Murray! why Bill??

1. As I said, a couple of years ago I would never have guessed he'd add his name to a zombie film, but ask anyone if they've seen ZOMBIELAND and most likely they'll say yes. THEN, 99% of those people who say yes will go on to describe their favorite part....Bill Murray's. 

I, too, greatly enjoyed his surprise role in the film because I love Bill. He's one of the few comedic actors that can take a situation like a zombie apocalypse and turn it into a funny comment about being able to "walk right on" at his favorite golf course. 

2. Bill is a MEGA star. For him to sport a B'hold Designs product, ESPECIALLY one that causes people to remember his part in ZOMBIELAND would create much happy happy joy joy in my bank account.

SO....(Robert Stack voice)....if YOU have seen Bill Murray running around town with a particle accelerator on his back, or eating lasagna in his favorite restaurant (that's a weak GARFIELD reference, by the way), then throw yourself at his feet, sing his praises, tell him CADDYSHACK is your favorite movie of all time and beg him to visit my website. He needs my Ultimate Camouflage to fight off those pesky zombie varmints.

Aim high. Run fast.


Tuesday, June 7, 2011

New Design!!

Ever make extensive plans to do something? A vacation perhaps...a trip....maybe a family gathering? Did those plans ever drop down the toilet when the time came? 

Most likely it wasn't anything you had done, but simply the wild card unpredictable nature of another person or even nature itself. Maybe it rained on your camping trip....maybe Uncle Leon barfed in the rental car... it could be anything.

More often than not, meticulously laid plans blow up in our faces. And so could it be when the zombies come! You might have your armored vehicle stocked with gas cans and granola bars, but if the roads are closed what do you do? Maybe you have a safe room, wired and ready to move into, but what if the power is out?

My point is there are only two things you can put on your to do list that you can count on, and I've summed it up on my new 2 STEP ZOMBIE PLAN design...

1. Prepare for the Worst
2. Hope for the Best

So, come by THE SHOP before the next zombie survivalist ice cream social and watch smirks of doubt transform into nods of agreement!

Aim high. Run fast.


Monday, June 6, 2011

Freebie Time!!

As a special thank you to all of you who are kind enough to check out my little nook of the webiverse, I have a special gift!!

(simply click the image and save the larger size that pops up)

Specially designed to gross out your co-workers, roommates, or parents, the "NO BRAINER" will make your computer monitor look like a casualty of an undead food fight! Download it and delight in the eye-rolls from your non-zombie fan friends!

I appreciate you all, so much, for stopping by as often as you do to catch up on my ridiculous drivel....but there's more for everyone, so wake your neighbor, rent a billboard or shout from the mountaintops that there's a NEW blog in town, and it's ramblings could ALMOST be considered decent bathroom reading material!!

Aim high. Run fast.


Friday, June 3, 2011

"Sensational Sell-ebrities" ..... pt. 3

Welcome to the third installment of my Sensational Sell-ebrities Series, dedicated to those who have no idea I exist, but whose star power would reeeeeeeally help me sell some stuff. Last time, the object of my customer fantasies was Mr. George Romero.

Today, I'd like to feature one of my favorite actors of all time. Most people these days know him as Sam Axe on the hit USA Network show "Burn Notice", but this guy has kicked more zombie tail than I can count.

He's none other than Mr. Bruce Campbell!! why Bruce??

1. This guy has been putting zombies back in the grave for years. Ever heard of "Evil Dead", or "Evil Dead 2"? How about "Army of Darkness"? His resume is quite extensive as he's had parts in the Spiderman movies, voice-overs for animations and video games and, of course, his horror films and popular tv show.

2. The man just oozes 'cool.' Only Bruce could deliver the line "Ma'am I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave the store" with such a relaxed, focused tone seconds before blasting a demon into oblivion. 

3. Four-eyed fanboys like myself LOVE this guy (isn't it obvious?). They line up for days to see him in person and get his autograph, so imagine the hushed whispers as they noticed the B'hold Designs image plastered to his chest!

SO....(Robert Stack voice)....if YOU know Bruce Campbell, or happen to wash his car, clean his pool, or have ever delivered a pizza to his house....tell him you know where he could get his hands on the ultimate zombie protection gear. Sure, he may tell you that you watch too many movies and then slam the door in your face, but once that door is closed, he'll no doubt light up a cigar, cock his shotgun, go to my website and mumble out a deeply graveled "groovy."

Aim high. Run fast.